Hello, Reader. It's Merry here, the American-raised, Paris-based writer with another message about finding confidence and comfort in your own company, so you can stop waiting on other people to enjoy your life. Last time, I shared excerpts of poetry from Joy Sullivan about new beginnings and finding the courage to start again. Today, we're talking about how to ask for space from people we love, a difficult but sometimes necessary task. For immediate practice doing things alone without feeling lonely, sign up for my 7-Day Do Things Alone Challenge.

How to Ask for Space from People You Love

Romantic, platonic, familial, or otherwise, clearing that space takes courage to ask for what we need.

It would do even extroverts well to spend more conscious time alone (admits this one extrovert who learned to enjoy spending time just with herself). Yes, we humans are social creatures, but even the most garrulous among us need time away from our herd, not because that herd is unpleasant or cloying, but because when we are constantly part of a group, we cannot truly be ourselves.

Certainly, there are people to whom we feel we can say anything, people who seem to understand our thoughts and intentions by grace of some unnamed, intangible force, sometimes even before we ourselves are aware of what’s forming within. But even they take our time and attention (no matter how willing we are to give it) away from our own internal dialogue. And we need this internal dialogue to work through new ideas, experiment freely, and decide for ourselves what we think, value, and feel.

Our internal dialogues are something to be preserved. And like all good things in life, sometimes ensuring that preservation means fighting for it.

But how to do so without leaving a bruise? How can we ask for space in a relationship?

MORE ARTICLES ON THE LONER MINDSET

• ​Feeling Alone in a Relationship: It's Not Always About the Other Person​
• ​In Defense of Laughing Alone​
• ​How to Balance Solitude and a Social Life​

To asking for what you need,

Merry